Do Rewards Work? Helping Children Find Motivation from Within
Rewards can be effective in encouraging children to take action, but do they create lasting motivation? Explore the difference between external rewards and the natural satisfaction that comes from effort, growth, and accomplishment, and learn how to help children develop motivation that lasts.
Dear Parents,
“I am closer to $10.”
That was the response from a 13-year-old boy when I asked him how he felt after delivering a speech as part of his communication practice last week.
The speech was a required activity in a youth club program that I lead. The $10 was an incentive he was working toward. His father, who was standing nearby, chuckled. His expression seemed to say, “That’s how I got him to do it!”
It made me smile, but it also got me thinking.
Monetary rewards can be powerful. They are tangible, immediate, and can give children the extra push they need to get started.
They are also quite common. A close friend of mine, for example, has a monthly budget to reward his son for doing his laundry and other household chores.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this. Monetary rewards can be useful, especially when used thoughtfully. But they may not always create lasting motivation.
Over the years, my wife and I have experimented with different kinds of rewards with our own children. Sometimes it might be a special privilege, such as family movie time. At other times, simple appreciation or recognition may be enough.
But there is another kind of reward that we have found particularly powerful: the natural reward that comes from the activity itself.
Studying diligently may lead to the satisfaction of doing well. Helping someone may bring a sense of contribution. Practicing a skill may bring the joy of getting better at it.
These natural rewards may not be as immediate as $10. And they can be harder to cultivate.
But when we help children notice how their effort pays off, we gradually help them discover motivation that comes from within.
Perhaps the question is not simply, “How can I reward my child?”
It may also be, “How can I help my child discover the reward already hidden in the effort?”
What motivates your child?
I would love to hear from you. Reply to this email and share something that has worked well in your family.
Wishing you and your family a joyful week!
P.S. I explore different types of rewards and how to use them thoughtfully in Chapter 3 of Joyful Parenting.
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