“Daddy, You Made My Day”: A Lesson in Empathy and Listening

Dear Parents,

Those words from my younger teenage son pleasantly surprised me the other day. I had not done anything special, at least not that I could recall.

Earlier that afternoon, I was engrossed in my work when my wife asked me to pick him up from school. When I met him, he seemed upset. On the drive home, I asked, “How are you?” His reply was a flat, “I’m okay.” Normally, I might have left it at that. But that day, I paused and said, “You don’t seem yourself. Do you want to share more?”

He began to explain an incident at school. As parents, our instinct is often to jump in with advice. As he was explaining, I could already think of a few things he could have done differently. But this time, I resisted that urge. Instead, I listened, allowing him to express his feelings without interrupting or judging. When he finished, I asked whether he wanted any suggestions for resolving the issue. He said yes, and I offered one, which he gladly received.

That was it. A few minutes of meaningful conversation on our drive home.

Later that night, he came to me and said, “Daddy, I love you! You made my day today.” Puzzled, I asked, “I love you too, but in what way did I make your day?” He smiled and said, “You talked to me when we came back from school. Just talking to me made me feel better.”

Sometimes, our children need our empathy more than our advice.

Reflecting on that incident, I realized how easily I could have responded by correcting my son, telling him what he should have done. Instead, I consciously chose to listen and understand his experience before offering guidance. My approach was influenced by what I had read about psychoanalyst Eric Berne's work on ego states, which describes patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior that influence how we respond to others.

This doesn't mean our children don't need advice or correction. They certainly do. But perhaps the question is, What does my child need from me at this moment?

Moments like these remind me that parenting isn't only about guiding our children. It is also about growing alongside them. One simple practice we can try is to use everyday opportunities, such as car rides, to listen intently, understand our children's world, and offer the support they need in the moment.

In truth, my son made my day too.

Have you ever been surprised by how much a simple conversation meant to your child? Reply to this email and share your experience.

Wishing you and your family joyful days ahead!

In Chapter 1 of Joyful Parenting, I explore empathy, ego states, and the idea of shared growth more deeply.

Joyful Parenting

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